Sunday, March 20, 2011

Complete Your Deen

As Muslims we are encouraged to get married as early as we can for many reasons. Marriage will help us deal with the temptations of this world and it will ultimately "complete our deen."  We are also encouraged to choose a "pious" person as our companion in this world, in the hopes that our marriage to that person will help us reach jannah one day inshAllah. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said: A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. "(Bukhari) The Quran has many verses on the importance of marriage and in particular about the beauty of the relationship between a husband and wife. Allah loves those that love each other for the sake of Him only, so marrying a pious person will make you even more special in Allah's Eyes. Society tells us to marry a rich, handsome, fun spouse, but Islam teaches  us that piety is the most important trait in a mate. Think about it---if you ever get into a fight with your husband/wife, they know that it is only permissible to be angry (if at all) for three days. How many times have you seen couples not speaking to each other for weeks. Islam also requires that both spouses treat each other with love and mercy, which are qualities missing in many marriages. The possibilities are endless if you choose to marry a person who is close to Allah. May Allah provide us all with spouses that are among the best and that will lead us to jannah inshAllah. 

10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Wife
1) Be grateful to your husband. Remind yourself that it’s a tough world out there and your husband works very hard to provide for you. So whatever you do, don’t compare him to other men, unless it is favorably. Let him know that you appreciate his efforts, not just through your words, but also your actions.

2) Be sensitive to his moods, feelings and needs. For example, don’t start complaining or burden him with problems as soon as he comes home; rather, welcome him and make him feel good to be home.

3) Be cheerful and humorous, smile often, don’t feel shy to be affectionate with your husband and make him feel really happy to be around you. Express your love frequently and creatively, rather than waiting for him to do so first.

4) Make sure you serve him the foods he likes, remembering that variety is the spice of life. Try to eat together as this fosters companionship.

5) Dress up for your husband at home. Wear the colors and clothes that he likes to see you in and use makeup, perfume, jewelry - in short, whatever it takes to be attractive to him.
Do things together or at least allocate some time of the day to give him your undivided attention. Be sincere in appreciating him, show interest in his day, his activities, his thoughts and opinions. Give him advice and comfort him when needed.

6) Spend your husband’s money carefully and try to keep him informed of where his money is being spent. Remember not to spend large amounts of his money without his permission.
Show caring and concern for his relatives as this is a sure way of securing a place in his heart. Never object when he spends on them, as this is a source of abundance in provision and increase in life span.

7) Don’t fly into a rage when you have a difference of opinion or he criticizes you. Stay calm, control your tongue and don’t challenge your husband’s authority at that time. Use your wisdom, tactics and powers of persuasion later to try to explain your point of view.

8) Believe the best, not the worst about him. Be forgiving and accept apologies graciously rather than holding grudges and bringing up mistakes of the past.

9) Show respect for your husband by not divulging your private and confidential issues to others, or by complaining about him to people or discussing your marital problems with those who cannot help you.

10) Last, but not least, remember that your husband is the head of the family and as long as obedience to him does not entail any sin, it is your duty to obey him. Allah’s Messenger Sal Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam said: “Any woman who dies and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’’

10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband 
1.) Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time you went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasulullah SAW would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.    

2.) Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah SAW had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.   

3.) Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.    

4.) If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasulullah SAW used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives Radiallahu Anhunn. It is something that very few muslim men have learnt or practice with their wives.   

5.) Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the muslim ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasulullah SAW would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.    

6.) Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t be that person; thank her!

7.) Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what makes her happy. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those things in your life.    

8.) Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasulullah SAW set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah RA was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.    

9.) Be humorous and play games with your wife. Make her laugh, have little ‘inside’ jokes and moments with her. Honestly your wifes laughter is one of the best sounds in life. Make her smile keep & her happy. Look at how Rasulullah SAW would race his wife Aisha RA in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?   

10.) Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger SAW: “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best!

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